Kibitz ‘n Bits

posted by Brandy on Nov 8

My husband and I built a house a few years ago near the mouth of a large Utah canyon and is nestled in a bed of thick scrub oak and encased by several trees. Because of this, we are delighted to be exposed to diverse wildlife creatures including deer, squirrels, coyotes, eagles, quail and mice.

And so the story begins…….
Dave and I are in bed one night, lounging in our bed and catching up on shows previously recorded by our TIVO. The kids are asleep and the two of us, curled up like blintzes, are lying naked under the sheets and blissfully preparing to drift off. Then we heard “the noise”? A sort of high pitched mewing from a tortoise colored cat who only makes appearance on occasion, when she wants a treat or to scratch out someones eyes, hiss at our other cat or grumble when Daisy Duke, the golden retriever, gallops by. But this time, her mew was joyful. Almost as if she has just clawed the shit out of a young child?

Dave and I clamored out of bed and headed to the source of gleefulness. Into the laundry room, we see Cola, pawing at something underneath the washing machine.

It is a small, peanut sized gray field mouse.

I holler to Dave to get the bitch, oops, er I mean Cola, out of the laundry room so we can capture the mouse and get it to safety.
YES……..I know most of you would be asking for a mouse trap, poison or a GUN (you pussy) at this point in time, but I, being the animal lover that I am, cannot injure or harm any animal, nor can I stand by and watch the bitch, oops, er I mean Dave, let it continue to run loose in my house.

I grabbed a pea green colored bucket, dropped to my knees and barked out, “Chase the little fucker into here Dave!” Forgetting that I am naked and then realizing that I am bent over, on my hands and knees, holding a green bucket with my big, white ass staring into the sky, I suddenly realized that this is BAD NAKED. VERY BAD NAKED.

Oh well, I didn’t care.

My husband already married me and, at this point, I just wanted fuckin midget Ratatouille to scurry into my bucket so I could get the bastard to safety. And it did. FINALLY.

After an hour and a half of kneeling down, on a cold, tile floor, buck-ass naked and screaming at my husband to chase it here, chase it there, “Catch is you son of a bitch!!!”, the disoriented, tiny, gray field mouse, ran into my bucket.

Then it tried to hop out! NOOOOOOO………I barked out an order to Dave to grab me a towel and before I knew it, he threw it over the bucket and out the front door I went. YEP…….still naked!
I ran down to the bottom of the driveway (keep in mind that my driveway is nearly 200 feet long), into the dirt and allowed the tiny, gray mouse to escape safely and unscathed into the wilderness.

Again, with all of the commotion, as I began walking back up the lighted driveway, slow from exhaustion and sweat pouring from my face, I glance over to see my next door neighbors, who were enjoying a late night of cards with some friends, staring out their dining room window, with a look of both shock and confusion, at the naked, white (full figured) apparition sauntering back up the long driveway.

I didn’t care….I saved a mouse. And into the front door and straight back to bed I headed.