Kibitz 'n Bits » Travel

Humbling Moments During Airline Travel

Brandy — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 02:01:02 +0000

You know your human……and okay, somewhat humbled, when you are traveling via airplane and:

You realize just how stupid you look (and how hungry you are) when you catch the person sitting next to you, on a crowded flight, gawking at you as you lick your pointer finger and proceed to roll it around the inside lining of the emptied Fisher Party Peanut bag and then suck the salty remnants off of your finger. …. quite pathetic to say the least
You reach to lift up your extra heavy carry-on luggage that you plan on stowing in the First-Class, overhead bin and you unexpectedly pass gas! With shock and embarrassment, you try to pass it off as that nasty sole on your shoe that keeps making a horrible sound as you “shuffle” over to your seat
You fall asleep on that long hop from Salt Lake to Boston only to be awakened by the sudden grunting/snorting sound that originated from you. When your eyes open, heads rotate back forward and conversations resume as you nonchalantly wipe the drool from the right corner of your mouth
The gas pains hit. You excuse yourself and hurriedly clamor over the strangers who are stuffed into the seats next to you and you make a bee-line to the toilet and realize that there are no jet-fueled sounds (or even jets, for this matter!) that can mask the sound of flatulence that is soaring out of your rectum
You spill a Bloody Mary all over the nice lady behind you…oops….please refer to earlier post

My Daughter May Need Therapy

Brandy — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 01:25:53 +0000

So my husband and I are at Hollywood Studio’s with our two small children and, on a whim, decide that we want to ride the “Tower of Terror“. I vaguely remember that most theme parks have this great system, often referred to as, “Baby Swap“, where you can wait in line, as a group, and once you get to the front, one parent rides while the other one waits with the small children. After the ride is done, the parents “swap” responsibility and the other parent gets to ride (without waiting in another horrific line that is often more frightening than the ride itself) and everyone is reunited at the exit.

So, in agreement, Dave, I, Phoenix and Paris head to the “Tower of Terror”

We approached the ride, heard the shrieks of passengers being dropped from 13 stories above and eagerly hopped in line. All of this time, anxiously explaining to our kids that Mommy and Daddy are going to baby swap so NO WORRIES, they would NOT have to ride this ride! Then suddenly, out of no where, Paris, our 4 year old daughter blurted out, “I want to ride!”

What the fuck?!

She begged… And she begged and she begged and she begged. For the next 30 minutes, as we meandered sluggishly through the line, she listened to the bellowing screams of unsuspecting riders and calmly stated that she too, would scream loudly like them.

For 30 fucking minutes, we made every attempt to talk her out of it, but she insisted. We even tried to tell her she was too small but as we approached the boarding zone, she proved to us that she “by a hair” barely met the minimum height requirement.

Goddammit.

At this point, I gave up. I looked at Dave, with Phoenix clinging tightly to my leg as if I were somehow going to sneak his little ass onto the ride without his permission, and said, “You’re up and you’re taking Paris. Have fun with that!”

Paris enthusiastically boarded the ride (with Daddy nervously trailing behind) and planted her butt in seat #2. This happens to be the seat that is located smack dab in the FRONT FUCKING ROW of the simulated “open” elevator!

Dave belts her in (tightly, very….very tightly) and after drying his now increasingly moist palms, fastens his own seat belt, swallows the massive slab in his throat and, with hesitation and a bit of resentment towards me, waits for the ride to begin.

And it does…….

…And just as the ride eerily moves through the pitch black hallways of Twilight Zone mimicry and is now nearing the edge of darkness, moments before plummeting its unsuspecting passengers 13 stories down, Paris calmly looks at Dave and states, “Daddy, I don’t think I want to be on this ride anymore.”

What the fuck?! Dave nearly shit his pants! He clutches her in fear and bellows, ”HOLD ON!!!!!”

Needless to say, the ride continued and Dave noted what he now refers to as a “silent scream“. One that looks like it could pierce your eardrums if you heard it but has no sound. It appeared that Paris was shrieking but there was no sound.

The ride ended and she staggered off like a drunk. Her legs were softer than jelly and she reiterated to me, for over an hour, just how much she hated it.

I now need to start saving my $$$ and look for a good child psychiatrist.

for a complete description on this ride, click on this link from Wikipedia.

I’m Baaaaccccckkkkkk……..

Brandy — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 19:28:12 +0000

Hey gang, I wanted to let you all know that I just returned from a very long BUT INTENSELY FUN family vacation at Disney World……which is why I haven’t posted any new blogs in a while.

Take a peek at some of our vacation pics below. After visiting most of the theme parks in Orlando with my husband, two kids and my mom (a.k.a., “Gramma“) in tow, I promise to have several new stories posted soon!!!